Deoxyribonucleic Heavenly Figure
by Summer Sweet
Summary: Well, we're all excited about the D.N.Angel anime, right? But we seem to be forgetting something...for every good anime, there's a really bad dub lurking around the corner...


Gather round, children, as I tell you a tale...that takes place right here in good ol' America, not some backwards country where they eat raw fish and speak funny, oh no! That would never happen!  
  
It begins with a boy just like you and me, except different. His name was Davis Wanker Smith, and there was a girl at school named Rachel Huh-ruh-duh, who...was his cousin, of course! Anyway, at the beginning of the story (episode thirty-two here in America!), he gives her a letter telling her how much he likes her and wants to be her...best friend! Fourteen is much too young for love, dearies, and besides - they're cousins.  
  
But Rachel is already best chums with her twin sister Nicole, so she can't be best friends with poor Davis, who goes home to...do his homework! And respect his elders! There we meet Emily, his mother, and Gramps, his grandfather. (Christopher, his father, is away...on business!) We also meet Wizard, his cute little pet fluffball rabbit, who he later teaches to say his name. (Oddly enough, people are disturbed by a cute little pet fluffball rabbit shouting out, "WANKER!"...)  
  
Somehow, though, when Davis thinks about Rachel and how much he wants to be her very bestest friend in the whooooole wiiiiiiiide woooooooorld, he gets this funny feeling and suddenly - while exercising his talent to talk gratitious, out-of-date slang without moving his lips - he transforms into the tall, purple-haired...Taker-Backer Dark!  
  
As we find out from Emily and Gramps, the Taker-Backer...takes things back that were wrongfully stolen from their owners! (Neverminding that there's another anime out there with the same plot...) This only happens to Smiths who have the middle name of Wanker, though, which is why Emily never turned into the Taker-Backer. It would be horribly sexist if women couldn't do it!  
  
Davis suddenly remembers that his good friend Terrance, who has a thick New Yorken accent, told him that Dark would take back a spethul statue that night at eleven! But oh, no, however will he make it in time?! It's past his bedtime as it is!  
  
Now, children, some foolish people will tell you Wizard (as they badly mispronounce his name as "With") is a shapeshifting servant of Dark's, and he can turn into two big black wings and attach himself to the Taker-Backer's back! This is pure nonsense, of course - big black wings are a sign of the devil, dontcha know, and rabbits everywhere would be offended by the servitude. Wizard, in fact, is a FRIEND of Dark's, who can turn himself into a big, fluffy cloud that looks suspiciously like digital paint, and FLIES Dark to wherever he needs to go out of the GOODNESS OF HIS HEART!! Isn't he nice? Let's all be like Wizard, and help our friends out whenever we can!  
  
When Davis (who is now Dark, the "spirit of the Taker-Backer") reaches the musuem to take back the statue, he discovers, much to his surprise, that there's a police force...waiting to welcome him! And they're led by his classmate, Sam Hiwuh-tehri, who really just wants a hug, as it is proved by all those times he pins Dark and Davis to the ground and against a wall! The police, who are pointing for no real reason, start chasing after Dark...because they want to be his friends! However, Dark leaves before they can tell him that, and goes straight home.  
  
Now, there was *something* that happened in between his leaving and going home, except there wasn't really any action in it, so it doesn't matter, right?  
  
Later, we find out that Davis turns into Dark whenever feels...like taking something back! Also, that Nicole actually wants to be best friends with Davis! And Rachel wants to be best friends with Dark! See? It all works out! Except for Sam, that is...  
  
You see, whenever Sam feels like practicing good hygiene, he turns into Krad Readmynamebackwards, a bitter angel who...wants to send Davis and Dark to another dimension! Because, of course, Sam wants to be friends with Davis, and Krad only wants Sam to be *his* best friend! In the very last episode, though, they all agree to be best friends with each other! How nice!  
  
Later in the series, Davis is sucked into a painting by a nice blond girl, Judy, who's been lonely ever since her good friend Walter disappeared, and just wants some friends! (Neverminding that there's another anime out there with the same plot...) Dark tries to take the painting back from Nicole, but ends up getting them BOTH sucked into it!! As it turns out, though, Judy is some strange 'Hand O' Time' thingy, and she ends up being sent to the dimension that Walter lives in! Yay!  
  
Sadly, this seems to be it - but don't worry! Our friends are back for more at the end of each episode! During this 'Taker-Baker Talks' segment, our good friend Taker-Baker Dark instructs us on how to be morally correct and live a healthy lifestyle, through voice-overs and video clips taken from random episodes, while Sam stands in the background and reminds him not to forget about hygiene! Isn't it wonderful that they care so much about us?  
  
Well, kiddies, when more of this delightful story comes out, I'll have more to tell you. For the time beng, though, just drop a review in the ol' review box, okay? And remember - stay in school, respect your hygiene, and don't do drugs!  
  
The End. 


End file.
